Don't Give Liechtenstein The Gun
by headlesshessian
Summary: When Liechtenstein goes to Germany for self-defense training, the results are bound to be... interesting, to say the least. Ger/Liecht friendship with the barest hint of romance.


Because it's a pet peeve of the girl who requested this fic, I've just stuck with nation-names unless the nation is being addressed. Just a heads-up.

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><p>Three quick raps on the door echoed through the house at eight on a Friday morning. Germany looked up from his cell phone (<em>Westen I'm staying over antonio's place 2nite dont expect me home til Saturday<em>) and over to the door curiously. The knocking repeated once more. He sighed and got up to answer the door. Upon opening it he was greeted by a curious sight.

"...Lilli?" The petite blonde on his doorstep smiled winningly. Germany rubbed his eyes, not quite believing what he was seeing and wondering if he had accidentally made himself decaf coffee that morning.

"Hallo, Ludwig! Can I ask you a favor?" she chirped brightly.

Still utterly confused, Germany nodded. "Sure, go ahead," he replied warily.

"Can you teach me how to defend myself and handle a gun?" she asked in the same bright tone.

The male nation stared at her for a second, not quite believing what he was hearing. Liechtenstein's smile dimmed slightly. Germany shook his head and opened the door wider. "Why don't we discuss this over coffee," he said, beckoning Liechtenstein inside. She beamed and followed him in, adjusting her uniform top as she did so.

"Now, what brought this on?" Germany asked once she was seated and he had checked the caffine content of the coffee (it was indeed, fully caffinated).

"My brother, though I love him dearly, is very overprotective of me," she answered with downcast eyes, "And when I asked him for shooting lessons he basically- Er, I believe America uses the term 'flipped out?' _Ja_, _bruder_ pretty much flipped out."

Germany nodded. "I understand, but if I was to agree to this, how would we keep it from your brother?"

The young girl frowned slightly. "Well, I would be doing it while he was at work, I think."

Germany frowned. "So we would be doing this behind Vash's back." It was not a question, and the blond wondered what he was getting himself into.

Liechtenstein sighed. "Yes, I suppose we will." Visions of an enraged Swiss gunman danced through the German's head, and he was on the verge of calling it all off when Liechtenstein abruptly brightened up. "So when can I start?"

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><p>Lichtenstein's training could be summed up in a three-minute montage to "Eye of the Tiger," but really took around three months until Germany deemed her fully trained. An average day consisted of running three laps around Germany's property, push-ups, sit-ups, more running, tree-climbing practice ("What do you mean Vash never taught you? <em>Gott<em>, even Gilbert taught me how to climb a tree,"), sparring, and after Lichtenstein thought she wouldn't be able to stand, shooting practice. All this began when Switzerland left for work in the mornings and ended half an hour before he was due to return home.

During this time, a mutual respect grew between the two nations. Liechtenstein's determination and drive impressed Germany and his seemingly endless patience with her impressed Liechtenstein.

There were several close calls- Switzerland returned home early once to find no Liechtenstein waiting and nearly had a panic attack until she came home with a bunch of bags saying she had simply gone grocery shopping. Somewhere along the line, Prussia had also found out about Liechtenstein's training but agreed to cover for Germany when he needed to go to Berlin. Liechtenstein found Prussia's training the most interesting- he pasted photos on the targets and told her to make sure to get a headshot.

Otherwise, Liechtenstein's newly acquired combat skills remained mostly unnoticed until one eventful world meeting.

"Alright guys, the hero declares this meeting to be dissed and dismissed!" America yelled, punctuating his statement with a rather vicious bite of his hamburger.

"Could you please eat in a manner not reminiscent of a Tyrannosaurus Rex?" England sighed in annoyance.

Liechtenstein tuned out the rest of that conversation and turned to gather up her papers. "Excuse me, Lilli?" came a familiar voice from behind her. She turned around to see the nation she had trained with for months.

"Hallo, Ludwig," she said, smiling at his appearance.

"Now that the meetings are over for the week, I was wondering if you wanted to go to a shoo-"

"Dinner would be wonderful, Ludwig," Liechtenstein hastily interrupted, looking over the German's broad shoulder. "Oh, hello brother," she stated, feigning surprise. Germany, who was confused at the sudden change of subject, looked immediately relieved at the realization that she had saved them from having their covers blown.

"You want to do _what _with my little sister?" Switzerland shrieked. All eyes in the suddenly silent room turned to the trio. Prussia's gleeful stage-whisper of "Ohmygod, is little _Westen_ finally getting some?" could be heard easily, and Switzerland's eyes narrowed further.

Germany suddenly felt as though he had leapt out of the frying pan and into the fire.

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><p>After a rather amazing display of self-control and maturity from Switzerland (Read: He threw a hissy fit and was very close to banging his fists on the ground and kicking his feet), Liechtenstein, Germany, and Switzerland were off to a restaurant in Manhattan a half hour later, putting the time at eight-thirty PM (as the meeting ran late).<p>

"Are we really supposed to have gone down this alleyway?" Switzerland loudly questioned, arms crossed over his chest.

"That's what it says on the map America drew for me," Germany replied, squinting at the mess of lines written on the back of a foreign policy report.

"Well, I really don't think that this is the right—"Switzerland's response was cut off by the sound of a gun cocking and a shout.

"Gimme all your money or I'm gonna shoot!" someone yelled from behind a bunch of trash cans.

"Great," Germany muttered, reaching into his jacket to find his customary handgun wasn't there. He nearly facepalmed at the realization that it was illegal to bring such a thing through America's airport security, and therefore, his only weapon was back in a locked drawer in Berlin.

"Well, this is just _wunderbar_," Switzerland hissed, apparently in the same predicament. "Lilli, get behind me!"

"_Ja__,_ Lilli, that would be a good idea," Germany agreed, slowly reaching for his wallet.

Liechtenstein gave a disgusted huff and pulled up her knee-length skirt, revealing a handgun strapped into a thigh holster. She cocked her own gun, aimed, and fired, creating an unholy clatter as her shot blew the metal lid off a trash can. "Next time, I won't miss," she called into the stunned silence. A yelp came from behind the trash can, then the sound of footsteps running away.

Switzerland looked absolutely flummoxed and could only open and close his mouth in his shock.

"Nice shot," Germany said, a small smile crossing over his lips. "I'm proud of you, Lilli."

Liechtenstein only smiled. "Can we go to the shooting range now? I actually didn't intend to miss that time, so I think I need the practice."

"Oh, I think you're doing just fine," Germany said, draping an arm around her waist and walking out of the alley.

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><p>Heh... fic-exchanges... funny things, those.<p>

Germany was _hell _to write. Though I love him, I feel like his characterization is horribly awkward, and this makes me sad. Anyways. Hope it didn't suck too badly. More strange pairings coming up (once again, thank you fic exchange) after this break.


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